Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize