onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
