I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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