Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
