I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
