And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
