Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
