Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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