he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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