Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
