You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
