Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My balls are so social today.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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