Are we in a gay sports bar?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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