dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
