she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize