i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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