So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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