i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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