I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
