ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize