her vagine was all disorganized.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
