its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
