I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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