He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
