guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
