i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize