I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
