My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
