Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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