i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
