He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
