I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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