Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
