I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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