so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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