just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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