everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize