I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize