I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
