I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
