having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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