i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
