Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
