ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
