i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
