I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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