Me. At least after what I've been through.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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