then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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