I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
