I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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