I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
