Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
