We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
