Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
