Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
