My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
