I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
