Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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