I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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