I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
