perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
