i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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