in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
