We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I think I just sharted jello shots
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