if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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