do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
