Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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