Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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