yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
