my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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