I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
