dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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