My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
