I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm getting married
To pizza
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
