....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
