Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
