i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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