After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
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