He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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