just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
