Pappa wants mamma naked
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
