Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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