Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
