So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It's never too late to be topless.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
