Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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